I think Madonna would do a fine job running FIFA, mostly

I couldn’t believe today’s headlines: Madonna could be the next president of FIFA.

I rubbed my eyes, flushed the toilet, and repaired with haste to the kitchen to fix my morning toast. I put two slices of white bread into the toaster and then washed my hands, only not in that order. Then I opened my laptop to tweet my findings to my 22 followers. That’s when things got really weird. The headline had changed to: Maradona could be the next president of FIFA.

Well that makes even less sense, I shouted, in a key slightly higher than my normal speaking voice, which I don’t use too often, because I live alone. Well actually, with my mom, but she works during the day.

I quickly checked on my toast, which was browning more or less evenly, then returned to the Internet to see what the headline said this time. It was the same. About Maradona, that is.

That got me thinking. Is Maradona really better suited for the job than Madonna? The Internet seems to think so. I checked on my toast.

Let’s think about this outloud, I said aloud. Madonna is no angel, but she’s like a virgin, if you believe the song, which I do.

Other than that, I can’t think of too many good reasons why Madonna is suited for the job. But I can’t think of a single reason why Maradona would be better.

The toaster pinged, letting me know my toast was done. Or was it? I checked. It was.

Anyway, I don’t really know anything about soccer. Or sports. I don’t know much about music, either. I don’t even know what FIFA stands for. Or, for that matter, if it stands for anything. Perhaps it’s not even an acronym, rather a proper name, spelled Fifa, or like Nato. Actually, doesn’t NATO stand for North American something something, or Northern Atlantic, or something? Maybe it’s more like NASA, which doesn’t mean anything, as far as I know.

Remind me to Google it later. Or is it spelled google when used as a verb? Is there even such a thing as a proper verb?

Anyway, I wish Madonna the best in whatever she chooses to do.

Madonna Cee Lo

FIND FUSION

Here’s where you can catch us on TV:

Want to know what’s on right now? Head over to our show lineup page.

WHERE TO WATCH