Republican presidential hopeful and career blowhard Donald Trump showed his nasty side on Tuesday when he officially launched his campaign amid a flurry of vitriol and bigotry targeted at Mexican immigrants.
The TV celebrity with an insatiable desire to put his name on tacky buildings whined that the U.S. has become a “dumping ground for everybody else’s problems,” especially Mexico’s.
“They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists,” The Donald blathered loudly, before adding with a touch of generosity: “And some, I assume, are good people.”
Despite Trump’s apparent animosity towards Mexico, he might want to consider moving there after he eventually drops out of the race here. That’s because Trump would make a pretty good Mexican politician — and might even have a better chance of getting elected there, if he can get past his birther problem.
Here’s a look at five reasons Trump would be nicely suited for a run at Mexico’s highest office:
1. Paying people to attend political rallies is fair game
In launching his campaign, Trump allegedly employed one of oldest tricks used by Mexican politicos: paying people to cheer for him at a campaign event.
In Mexico, the pay-for-applause tactic is known as acarreados. Mexican politicians typically offer food, flat screen TVs, credit cards and other goodies in exchange for noise.
Trump, according to The Hollywood Reporter, allegedly resorted to cash handouts, doling out $50 a pop to actors who had to play their most challenging role ever: someone who thinks Donald Trump should be the next president.
“We understand this is not a traditional ‘background job,’ but we believe acting comes in all forms and this is inclusive of that school of thought,” reads an email obtained by THR that was allegedly sent by New York firm Extra Mile Casting.
2. There are plenty of Latina beauty queens to press up on
When Trump launched another tirade against Mexico earlier this year, comedian Rob Schneider pointed out that The Donald didn’t seem too discriminatory against Mexicans when he was pressing up against Mexican beauty queen Ximena Navarrete at the 2010 Miss Universe pageant.
Trump even took to Twitter to congratulate her as “one of our all time BEST!”
Some Mexican politicians are even less restrained when it comes to controlling their hands around comely young women, such as this Mexican mayor who threw a $1 million party and used his birthday as an excuse to kiss strangers and hoist the skirts of unexpecting young ladies:
3. Kissing billionaires’ butts is acceptable practice
During an appearance on David Letterman, Donald Trump praised Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim. “He’s a good guy, I know him well,” Trump said. “They say I’m only worth $9 billion, so I don’t feel so good when you mention Carlos Slim.”
Though Trump apparently distrusts Latin American immigrants, he’s fond of their richest one-percenters.
During a trip to Panama City in 2011, Trump repeatedly lauded then-President Ricardo Martinelli as a “great businessman” and a “great president.” He said the Panamanian billionaire’s approach to running the country like a big corporation would be a great model for governing the United States.
“Frankly, we need some of that in the United States,” Trump said of Martinelli’s political style. “That’s why the United States is doing so poorly, because it’s not being run properly; it’s not being run as a businessman would [run it].”
Martinelli, who now keeps a low profile in Miami, is currently the subject of a criminal investigation in Panama for allegedly ordering illegal wiretaps during his presidency.
In Mexico, politicians have a love-hate relationship with Slim and other billionaires. But during campaign season, they’re all about the photo op.
4. Questionable real estate deals aren’t a campaign-killer
A recent series of journalistic investigations have revealed that Mexican politicos love to collect real estate almost as much as Mr. Trump.
But for Trump, his real estate record could be a problem on the campaign trail. According to the Daily Beast, “Trump’s business could not withstand the scrutiny of a presidential campaign” thanks to a series of “lawsuits pending and shady partners.”
In Mexico, real estate troubles aren’t a deal-killer for politicians. So come on down, Donald!
5. Mexico has a precedent for clowns seeking office
Mexico’s mid-term election proved that anyone— quite literally anyone — can run for office, sometimes successfully. Controversial soccer star Cuauhtemoc Blanco won the mayorship of Cuernavaca and a bunch of B-list actors and reality show stars garnered enough support and signatures to make a run.
In the city of Guadalajara a famous Mexican clown known as Lagrimita ran for mayor. Although he lost, Lagrimita was a trailblazer for other clowns to come after him.
Not so funny now NY Daily News.
6. But that hairdo just won’t do
Trump does have one serious liability when it comes to being electable south of the border. Mexico’s president has great hair.
And Trump, well …. keep the sombrero on, buddy.