A South Korean got a 15-match ban because his mustache-growing cream contained a banned steroid

So it turns out that crimes against fashion can also be crimes against the integrity of soccer.

South Korea striker Kang Soo-il has been banned for 15 matches for failing a doping test just before his international debut. The cause, he said, is a mustache-growing cream he’d received as a gift. So far, so 16-year-old boy who’s started puberty late. But the cream apparently contained a banned steroid, meaning he was withdrawn from the squad to face the United Arab Emirates and flew back to Seoul.

This is why hipsters with slow rates of facial hair growth can never be professional soccer players. Kang, friend, you’re 27. If you can’t sprout a thick layer of face fuzz by that age, you probably never will.

“I am sorry for the fans who had high expectations of me,” the Jeju United forward told reporters. “I feel sad … and disappointed with myself because I had no knowledge about what a professional player should know naturally.”