Why do people sports? Some people sports for glory. Some people sports for fame. Some people sports to prove their athletic superiority. Those people are boring, and probably play baseball. Worthwhile people sports so they can do baller shit and buy their mom a house. The true greats sports so hard that the flow from the trickle-down effect of their ballerism is at such high volume that their mothers can shine in ways so opulent that it makes international news.
Meet Dolores Aveiro, the mother of “I do this being a professional soccer player thing the correct way” icon Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro of Real Madrid. Dolores is fortunate to have a son who is absurdly rich. As such, she chose to get on a plane with a bag full of enough cash to buy a small Mercedez-Benz, should Sky Mall offer her one.
On a flight last week, she was stopped by authorities at a Madrid airport carrying 55,000 euros in her handbag, 45,000 of which was confiscated. For whatever reason, it’s unlawful to fly with more than 10,000 on you at once. Whoever stopped Delores from exercising her maternal right to ball out on a commercial flight probably hates their mother.
This is another prime example of heavy handed law enforcement. Dolores Aveiro’s son is an international treasure. What’s she supposed to do on a flight? Eat peanuts like the savages is business class? Certainly not. The prices for refreshments on flights is ridiculous these days. A southwestern chicken wrap cap run upwards of $15 in this economic climate. Dolores is just trying to eat well. With 55,000 euros on hand, she can order all the chicken or fish options United Airlines has to offer and still do something luxurious like get a Diet Coke on the side. She’s earned it. Raising Cristiano Ronaldo couldn’t have been easy. What with all the temper tantrums and fighting over cosmetic products.
What if Dolores had more philanthropic intentions for her flight money? She could have bought headphones so everyone could listen to the smooth jazz available on Armrest Radio channel 9. Maybe she wanted to pay the pilot to take the scenic route and treat her fellow passengers to a little geographical education. Maybe she wanted to buy people’s babies wholesale and get them off the plane so everyone could sleep. Regardless, as a society, when a rich person’s mother shows up with a stupid amount of money on her person, we should feel obligated to allow her to stunt however she sees fit. Have some damn manners.