Creepin’ on the ‘Gram: Herculez Gomez is now a married man

Congratulations are in order! American soccer’s chief ambassador to LigaMX and the Nation of Real Talk, Herculez Gomez, is a married man. This weekend, Gomez exchanged vows with his fiancée, Elsie Vargas. We tried to contact the MLS offices, but cannot yet confirm whether or not Elise had to offer Sporting Kansas City any allocation cash in exchange for Herc’s matrimonial contract rights.

Not a bad lil weekend… 5/29/2015 #LasVegas #HercAndElsie2015 foto cred #AshIzu

A photo posted by Herculez Gomez (@herculezg) on

We already know that Herc is a forward thinking dude, so it should come as no surprise that he and Elsie have offered up a convenient hashtag, #HercAndElsie2015, for us to do what we do best, and creep on one of the most intimate moments of his personal life.

Shall we?

Here’s the best shot I could find of Herc’s tux. A smooth blu number that’s stylish enough that he doesn’t look like he’s going to his own funeral, but not so wild that he appears to be dressed for his junior prom. 👍

The photo comes courtesy of Herc’s brother, Ulysses. That’s right, Herculez and Ulysses. Before you try too hard to find comedy in those names, I feel obligated to point out to you that Ulysses Gomez is a professional MMA fighter, so it’s best to tread lightly.

Here’s Herc and some more of his people. The beard in a suit on the left is Marc Crosas, defensive midfielder for Club Universidad de Guadalajara (Leones Negros). Crosas seems to be rocking the same shirt and tie combo as the (probable) groomsmen, but different pants.

As a striker, does Herc have fundamental issues with defensive midfielders that prevent him from ever allowing one to be a key part of his special day? Are Crosas’ pants a sign of the same nonconformity streak that compelled him to grow that thing on his face? What does Elsie think about this?

A few days before the wedding, Herculez and Elsie hit up a Romeo Santos concert in Vegas. If you’ve ever been to a Romeo Santos concert, or been within a 20 mile radius of one, or been in the same room where a Romeo Santos song was playing, or been standing on a New York City street when a car drives by, you know that his music can be very inspirational. I’d put the odds that these two weren’t ever considering marriage before going to this show at 87 percent.

Concert with the Mrs.. #RomeoSantos #LasVegas #EresMiaMia

A photo posted by Herculez Gomez (@herculezg) on

Here’s Mr. and Mrs. Gomez exiting the wedding festivities. The might be in the back of a strangely lit limo. They might be in some kind of two-person tanning booth. They might be in a time machine that’s warming up, so they can go check out Romeo Santos again. I’m not really sure what’s going on here.

This is the part of the story where I’d share an older photo of a still-single Elsie Vargas and say something that was just on the right side of “the line” that was complimentary, but not so complimentary that Herc found my address and sent Ulysses to kick my ass. Unfortunately, Elsie is a step ahead of me and has her Instagram account on lockdown.

Screen Shot 2015-05-31 at 6.46.47 PM

I will, however, close with this photo that Herc posted on his own account and say congratulations to you, Mr. Herculez Gomez. May your success and blessings continue.

Lo que me hace fuerte es tu apoyo.. Gracias chiquita. #HoyJuegaTigres 🐯✌️👨✌️🐯

A photo posted by Herculez Gomez (@herculezg) on