Paris Saint-Germain’s Coupe de France triumph soured by David Luiz’s hormones

Today, Paris Saint-Germain added to its 2014-15 haul — a Ligue 1 title, and victories in Coupe de la Ligue and Trophée des Champions (it counts) — with a 1-0 win over Ligue 2‘s Auxerre in the Coupe de France final. It’s not every year, even when you outspend your competition by some incalculable sum, that a club can celebrate a domestic quadruple.

Spending unsavory amounts of oil money to win trophies is great. Everyone should try it. But PSG’s main concern right now shouldn’t be French excellence or questionable Financial Fair Play compliance. The club should be worried about what appears to be a rampaging David Luiz.

As we have been reporting for some time now, the virginity status of David Luiz has been a source of global debate. After witnessing this manhandling of teammate Blaise Matuidi, there should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that David Luiz is out here (outchea) sexin’.

This out-of nowhere neck grab and shove has all the tell-tale signs of someone who has lost control of his hormones because he just got some for the first time. Testosterone overload can be a lot for a young man to deal with, especially at 28 years old.

I don’t know how PSG plans to celebrate the the completion of their successful season, but they may want to consider not texting those plans to David Luiz. Leave this man in the house. He can’t be trusted out on the streets right now. The last thing his poor mother needs is to see her son’s name in the paper because he’s in jail for sniffing strangers like a feral dog.