“Return of the Mack” is a terrible song and Arsenal should not be involved in remaking it

Imagine a large, dusty book resting on a podium, containing a list of all the songs that a.) no one needs to ever hear again, and b.) quickly lets you know who you should avoid befriending because of their questionable judgment. The husky tome would obviously include B-52’s “Loveshack,” because go the hell away if you enjoy that song, House of Pain’s “Jump Around, ” because GTFOH, Boston, the Macarena, “Baby’s Got Back” (vomits) …

… and Mark Morrison’s “Return of the Mack.” Seriously, if “Return of the Mack” comes on and you’re around me, pretend like it disgusts you if you value our friendship.

All of which explains why I’m probably going to start supporting Tottenham. Because …

Yeah, Arsenal re-made “Return of the Mack” and somehow allowed Per Mertesacker to blackmail Laurent Koscielny and Aaron Ramsey into participating.

Daniel Levy wouldn’t allow this on his watch. Sure, he’s done bad things before, like hire Harry Redknapp and oversee the acquisition of questionable players, year after year. But he’s never sunk so low as to allow his players to play participate in a re-make of “Return of the Mack.”

If this is what coming in third place in the Premier League is all about; give me fourth every year thank you very much.

P.S. Meet me at karaoke.