Carlo Ancelotti has back surgery in his future, not West Ham (or Real Madrid)

Carlo Ancelotti is set to have surgery this summer. The procedure may be to correct cracked ribs caused by laughing too heartily when he heard that West Ham wanted him to be its next manager.

After missing out on Napoli’s Rafael Benítez, who’s reportedly about to take over from Ancelotti at Real Madrid, West Ham appears to be eying up the Italian as Sam Allardyce’s replacement. This would be the equivalent of hosting a comedy festival and replacing Larry the Cable Guy with Jon Stewart. But Ancelotti’s planning on taking a year out after his surgery (for a spinal condition, it turns out).

Maybe the Upton Park club, which hasn’t finished higher than seventh in the English Premier League since 2002, would have a shot at getting one of Europe’s top head coaches if he was getting lobotomy at the same time. West Ham has just finished 12th and would be competing with AC Milan for Ancelotti’s services. But since the team is moving to the 54,000-capacity Olympic Stadium in a year, the club’s going for gold, when in reality it’ll likely have to settle for bronze. (David Moyes?)

Even though Cristiano Ronaldo took a break from promoting his underpants line to praise Ancelotti on Twitter, Ancelotti’s ouster is expected to be confirmed by Madrid at a press conference this afternoon. That means his last match was likely Saturday’s 7-3 win over Getafe, which saw the club end up second in La Liga, two points behind Barcelona. As everyone knows, second place at the Bernabeu is for losers who get fired.

There is one thing El Real might be able to learn from West Ham, though. The Hammers confirmed Allardyce’s sorta-mutual exit in a club statement posted to their official website three minutes after the final whistle of their loss to Newcastle on Sunday.

That’s the kind of cold efficiency Madrid would do well to emulate after several weeks of innuendo that’s led to an undignified speculation-fest, one a coach of Ancelotti’s talent, character, and achievements doesn’t deserve.