Of course Paris Saint-Germain has its own video game

It’s been a busy few days for the folks at Paris Saint-Germain. Last weekend, the club claimed its third consecutive Ligue 1 title, today we learned that David Luiz might not actually be a virgin and now we have the announcement that Les Parisien have released their own video game. It’s up to you to determine these accomplishments’ order of importance.

Rushin’ Paris is the new mobile app from PSG. It’s available today for Android and Apple users. Think “Temple Run on the Champs-Élysées”.

“By enlarging its free gaming portfolio, the Paris Saint-Germain brand continues its development into the entertainment industry and its emergence as one of the most creative and dynamic sports franchises in the world.”

The above quote from the game’s official press release is an incredible bit of hyperbolic marketing-speak. But outsized ridiculousness is why PSG exists. I don’t know about these claims of global domination the club is making, but between this game and the comic book they released last year, they’ll definitely have the coveted geek market covered.

“The game begins when the players’ team bus is caught in a traffic jam. Obliged to get off the bus, the players must run through the streets of Paris to get to the Parc des Princes on time. Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Marco Verratti, Blaise Matuidi and Co. find themselves in the streets of Montmartre, Saint Germain, Concorde as well as in the metro. Their aim is to avoid the obstacles and collect as many balls as possible, show off their skills, complete footballing challenges and celebrate victory at the end of each run.”

I will almost certainly be downloading this by day’s end. This game has potential. Playing as Ezequiel Lavezzi and getting side tracked from the game’s objective to talk to an attractive police officer sounds like fun. Or you can be Marco Veratti, and rather than run around obstacles, you just plow through them. You’ll never finish the game because you’ll be sent off every time, but you’ll get a good laugh. Maybe you can be Edison Cavani. You’ll start the game, but you’ll never play well because a little Laurent Blanc character will keep popping up to shove you to the far right of the screen. You’ll only be able to play in the center until you unlock the downloadable Zlatan character.

The only disappointing this about this game is the soundtrack. The music sounds almost British. A fast-paced game on the streets of Paris deserves some local jams. The game’s producers missed a perfect opportunity to use the aptly titled “Pursuit” from France’s own Gesaffelstein. Then again, he is from Lyon. That might cause some conflicts.