Gerard Piqué celebrated Barcelona’s title by singing like a wounded animal

If Shakira was still a judge on The Voice, and her husband, Barcelona defender Gerard Piqué, sang whatever the hell he’s singing in this Instagram video, she would probably pick up the kids, go home and call someone to change the locks on the door. That’s not because Piqué’s lyrics are offensive. It’s because he sounds like an animal caught in a bear trap. And you can’t raise children around that.

Resaca terrible!

A video posted by Gerard Piqué (@3gerardpique) on

To be fair, Piqué and his teammates were just celebrating winning La Liga. The Catalan giants made it official on Sunday when they beat Atlético Madrid away from home. It’s no surprise that his caption says “terrible hangover.”

Just don’t make a habit of it, Gerard. Your family has a brand to preserve. Leave the singing to the professionals.

Actually, who am I kidding? I’d listen to a Shakira y Piqué album. She’d make it work. Somehow. And I’d buy several copies of the album if all of Piqué’s Barcelona teammates were on one track as a background choir. Especially Mascherano. Watch the video again. Look at his passion. It’s no surprise that the man tears his anus tackling people in World Cup games.

Now we just have to figure out what Neymar got himself into in the hours after stepping off the bus with Piqué.

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