Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
There’s only one way to end this domestic soccer spectacular. We enjoyed this more than we should have, but still not as much as Nando did. Goodnight, y’all!!!
There’s no such thing as a wrong reason. All reasons are equal. Tune in next time.
Maybe the strangest way to show love that I’ve seen so far tonight.
Even turned some of the haters around:
This is the best MLS performance since Clint Mathis dropped 5 goals on Dallas
I don’t like the idea of ending this on a positive note. I was hoping for more of a train wreck but Nando just said “MLS is for the children.” He won today. Unfortunately. But he’s done it.
While I’m here: Bite me, NYCFC fans.
Quality representation from the Red Bulls massive.
I really like where this is going.
Everyone is always one member of a royal family away from being opulent.
LOL at them for thinking they can afford him. The opulence is real.
It was only a matter of time until the job offers started rolling in.
This has nothing to do with the game, but I think it adds context to people new to the Full Nando Experience
The man is a sextuple threat. Rare talent in this industry.
People are starting to make sense. That, or they’re drunk as hell. It’s one of the two.
Things that Nando’s doing right now:
1. Talking on Univision Deportes about Colorado vs. San Jose
4. Reading live blogs
5. Probably wearing a speedo
6. Sending hate mail to Gareth Bale
I don’t want this to end. People are getting irrational.
Hahah, Nando is reading this from the booth. What up, Nando!
It’s actually better when they read tweets. This is all Nando’s fault.
Did we mention Nando dropping Ol’ Dirty Bastard lyrics on the air? I don’t feel like scrolling down so yeah.
We’ve hit peak weird. This is beautiful.
Who the hell is “Marble Wynne”, Nando?
All three of them have bailed on the actual game to talk about Twitter. Nando is a terrible influence. I say this from personal experience.
This guy’s doing a statistical breakdown of Nando’s mentions.
“No I will not spoil the end of Avengers,” said Nando Vila on the air. He’s answering questions as requested.
This is text book how you handle getting slandered on Twitter. You lean into it. Nando is embracing this. He’s a hero, really.
And for the record, it was Maxi Rodriguez who wanted to ruin the Avengers for all of you.
I’m putting it at 95%. He’s on a mission to finish this strong.
Nando is an inspiration. Fully acknowledging the scorched earth that is his Twitter mentions tonight.
I’m not a fan of cliché unless you’re admitting that you’re using clichés. Then it’s hilarious.
What are the odds we get a “Wu Tang is for the children” in the second half?
Without any shame.
I think Nando is going for the Cliché Challenge record.
This man is a pro!
Live-blog eyeballs: Do this. Let’s see if we can get Nando to do things and say things on the broadcast.
I just sent a “Get weird” text to Nando. Hoping for the best/worst.
At least he’s answering the important questions.
We’re at 75% completion. I can sense Nando losing his grip. 2nd half has potential.
And of course it was about Fernando Alonso. No shame in his biases.
Nando hasn’t said “The MLS” once and now he’s talking about Formula 1. I’m disappointed.
Viewership of this game might be slipping. Time for Nando to just start making stuff up.
People are coming around. This is what America is all about.
Need to do a PowerPoint about it write “synergy” on several slides.
😂 As a team, our corporate culture is amazing.
He knows how to get into Simon’s good graces.
That dude really reached for every profanity he could think of.
Social media is important. Nando gets it.
This man was on Instagram posting hate tweets during the last game.
The real MVP!
Update from the booth:
Yes, you can hot take the wet Colorado crowd, Nando
Hot takes abound about Colorado’s stagecoach-robbing coach.
Speaking of not watching…I may or may not have been looking at this while Nando was talking about Wondo having ice in his veins.
We just said we weren’t watching. You snitched like two minutes later, Kevin. Carmelo would be disappointed.
Did Wondo just throw up gang signs?
We’re listening to the game like old-time radio.
Not really. We aren’t.
MLS fans have no home training.
😂 😂 😂
Nando is being called out by major soccer publications now. Could get ugly.
Soccer Gods producer Zac Rigg is in awe of the #NandoWatch experience. It’s emotional.
I believe the phrase “You ain’t gotta lie to kick it” is applicable here.
During Colorado vs. San Jose.
“4 hours of MLS action. Can’t get any better”
Nando said that like he meant it.
Drew Moor, Stan Kroenke, John Denver, Conor Casey, Anderson Silva
I’ve been in the MLS zone since 1996 and I can’t name 5 Colorado Rapids . . .all time. Nando is in trouble.
Orlando vs. New England is easy. I want to see what Nando can do with a mud duck of a game like Colorado vs. San Jose.
HAHAHAHA. The lack of chill in American soccer is so wonderful.
WHEN WILL IT END?!?!
There’s time before the next game starts.
Can we live-blog Simon watching Nellyville??
Nellyville is on BET.
Thoroughly enjoyed the first half of this double-header.
I think I know where he’s headed.
“5 minutes of stoppage time seems very excessive”. Nando is trying to go home.
These people don’t know that, as employees of ABC/Univision joint venture, we can shut down their internet and turn off their electricity. Yet they keep taking swings. SMH.
Nando scoring in money time.
People don’t appreciate art.
I’m always in support of reparations.
Commentary reparations? I can get behind that.
In other news …
Here’s my defense of the broadcast:
Stop drinking, Kevin.
Are “half bicycle kicks” unicycle kicks?
Think about it.
Wow, Nando is bringing families together. That’s beautiful.
Simon is definitely about that Tom Jones life . This is his JAM.
Yo, people’s moms are getting in on the action. These are great times in American soccer history.
Simon can dance, though.
They have to let Nando get one “GOOOOOOOOOOOL”
I feel partially responsible for this somehow.
Lalas -level hate might mean that Nando is a next level genius.
He’s the one retweeting things like this.
That’s sweet. The soccer community is loving. Thaey want to keep Nando close to Jesus. Kaka probably has his number.
Nando suggesting that New England switch over to a possession style. His Spaniard is showing, yet again.
You have to take credit sometimes. Keep other people on their toes. Meanwhile, people are praying for Nando.
Ramses just took credit for naming Orlando “O-City”. That’s bold. I respect it.
Waiting for Nando to get too comfortable and try to kick some deep MLS knowledge.
HAHAHA, we might have to shut this down after that.
Great moment in American/Canadian history.
I like the Boon Boo Ree! #NeverForget
Oh no. It’s getting dangerous out here.
It’s hard out here in these secondary audio streets.
I respect these guys’ willingness to give instructions on how to listen in English to people who are presently listening in English.
Teal Boonbury is in the building.
Boxes on boxes on checkers on checkers. I’d take Miguel as my uncle.
Whose uncle is that?
Unrelated to #NandoWatch: Look at what Miguel Herrera is wearing.
Here’s Nando’s analysis of his first half performance:
A little harsh for someone batting 1,000 on pronouncing “Davies” correctly.
. . .we should have snuck into Nando’s apartment to get snacks. We know he’s not home.
Dear readers, we’ll be back for start of the 2nd half. We need beer…uhh…chips.
“Solid” is high praise from Simon. Nando is winning.
I must admit, I’m pretty impressed with Nando’s first half. He’s staying in pocket. No fancy commentary step-overs. Playing real Route One football out there.
Nando said this:
But I don’t know if this guy knows that Nando is a Spaniard, which is a version of European, so if anyone knows if Seb Hines is like Beckenbauer, it’s Nando. I rate this criticism a 2/10. Do better.
“A trash boy” 😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 All the tears.
Starting to think MLS is in on the gag. People REALLY enjoy talking about these SAP broadcasts.
Dead. Dead. Dead. I don’t know who this man is referring to, but I want to buy him a beer.
Nando is sabotaging the broadcast. There’s no other explanation. He knows how to pronounce “Davies” and he’s letting his partner say “Davis” over and over and over again. Nando is evil.
I think he said that just to sound “authentic”.
Nando’s advocating diving. He’s such a European. He tried to do it on the sly, though. “I’m not advocating diving but …” He doesn’t have to sell me. I’m #TeamDiving.
Focus, Nando. Put the phone down, you millennial.
You hear Nando dropping Adrian Heath knowledge? Former Everton man, indeed. Never underestimate the power of Wikipedia.
“In America, we book for harder challenges than that” -Nando
Damn right! 🇺🇸
Clearly, this young lady has read our mission statement.
Peder’s about to get a job offer.
This dude is great.
Wildly disrespectful, but one point for Nando.
My bad. Violation.
Why are you talking about soccer?
Not to distract from the main event here, but what the hell is going on with this reborn “Charlie Davis”?
I suppose Simon could do a couple of Vines and Nando can play them for the audience.
How do we get Simon to call in and heckle him live on the air?
This commentary might inspire the next There Will Be Haters ad for adidas.
Nando has found a comfort zone: Talk about Kaka for 90min.
I’m going to be very, very disappointed if Nando doesn’t say “The MLS” at least three times.
No doubt, whoever loses this game will be told to bench Gareth Bale immediately.
Trying to keep a short list of things Nando needs to drop into this broadcast. I guarantee he’s going to somehow talk about how Gareth Bale is horrible. Because Nando.
He’s just said it’s truly an honor to be on the broadcast. Is it, though?
😂 Rude, Ron Waxman
Has to happen for the sake of keeping it real.
Nando must provide some hot takes on Brek Shea in midfield again.
He has to demand a .5% raise for every name he pronounces correctly.
NANDO HOT TAKE: Lee Nguyen is the best player on the Revs!
He said Charlie Davis, and it wasn’t even Nando. Nando is winning.
On the way home from work, Nando called me to get info about the games tonight. He assumes everything I told him was true.
Here’s a taste of what we’re in for tonight.
This is going to be a treat.
Bless this man.
We need a running count of incorrect Nando Facts.
I’m WAY too excited for this.
It’s that time. Orlando City vs. New England? Nope. It’s time for #NandoWatch!!! That’s right, Nando Vila, of Soccer Gods notoriety will be joining the MLS SAP OMG broadcast tonight, and we’re going to focus on watching and listening and critiquing and mocking Nando during Orlando vs. New England. Because that’s our strength.
You can tweet us at @soccergods if you have thoughts. We’ll probably drag them into this thing. Please also use the hashtag #NandoWatch. He’ll see everything.
Pray for us, and more importantly, pray for Nando.