Jérôme Boateng is back from the dead and posting meme-quality Drake lyrics on Instagram

Perhaps the sad news hasn’t reached your part of the world, but 26 year-old Bayern Munich defender Jérôme Boateng passed away on Wednesday. He didn’t die in the corporeal sense; instead, in a tragic meeting with Lionel Messi, millions of viewers saw Boateng’s soul spun free from his body.

It was a moment of almost unbearable sadness. The news has hit his loved ones so hard that his brother Kevin-Prince is rumored to be headed to America as the entire continent of Europe holds too many memories of that dark day.

Perhaps you haven’t yet witnessed the Messi-Boateng Soul-Snatchening, or maybe you’ve blocked the horrific event from your memory. Here it is again. It’s important that we face it head-on. Watching this Vine over and over again is the only way to get through the grieving process. R.I.P. Jérôme! Pour out a little Hefeweizen.

*moment of silence*

Some happier news has arrived today, as it appears that Boateng has regained consciousness. This morning brought a welcomed sign of life with a very pointed Instagram post from the once-deceased defender.


A photo posted by Jerome Boateng (@jeromeboateng) on

This meme is sure to bring a sigh of relief to Boateng’s family and fans. Not only has he possibly returned to this earthly realm, but he’s already back on the ‘Gram, and posting at advanced levels. A Godfather picture with a motivational cliché quote is strong evidence that he’s on his way back. These are all key signs that he’s ready to resume a professional soccer career. The quote is, however, from a Drake song, so there is clearly some emotional damage that Boateng will have to repair before he’s fully ready to take the field again.

We cannot confirm, but we know that Jérôme Boateng has some well-connected friends with the ability to help guide his soul back to his body. We suspect that Pope Francis put in a few requests to expedite the process.


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