Lionel Messi had some sex, made another baby

Hey! Major news! Lionel Messi – more specifically, his partner Antonella Roccuzzo – is going to have a second baby.


Team Roccuzzo-Messi is preparing to welcome their second son Benjamin to family dinner.

If the notion of Leo Messi consummating his relationship is uproariously funny to you, don’t feel guilty. You’re not alone. It’s perfectly fair to imagine dear, lovely Antonella, arriving to their marital quarters, looking like all the best parts of your unattainable dreams, only for her to be greeted by Leo, sporting one of his usual face of bewilderment or child-like wonder. His face somewhere between “What’s happening here?” and “I need an adult!” – until he finally figures out the vibes his wife is sending out, it all becomes clear and he’s like “Hey, girl“. Either that, or he’s too distracted for marital relations, because he’s too busy thinking back to the time he met Mickey Mouse.

Expect news that Cristiano Ronaldo is expecting triplets any day now.