Here’s what we know about Carpi, newly promoted to Serie A

On Tuesday night, little Carpi set tongues wagging after its goalless draw with Bari, clinching the club’s first-ever promotion into Serie A.

Skip to the final minute to watch the joy positively overflow:

There’s no denying Carpi has a bit of a fairy tale thing going. The team spent just four years in the third division, finished 12th in Serie B last season (its first in the league) and is now on its way to the top-flight. The trajectory has prompted many to liken the side to AFC Bournemouth, another team ready to take on the top for the first time ever. You can expect a rash of authoritative articles about this potentially hipstery side, but let’s face it – very few of those authors will have seen Carpi play.

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But fear not – we’re here to fill you in on exactly what is known about Carpi:

  • Its ground, the Stadio Sandro Cabassi, holds just 4,144 people. Serie A requires a stadium capacity of at least 20,000 (despite teams such as Cagliari averaging less than 5,000 per game)
  • Its nickname is the biancorossi, which means red-and-whites. Carpi will be the only team in the top division with that nickname. Yay for individuality!
  • We presume its motto is Carpi Diem
  • Its badge features a tree giving birth to an eagle, or possibly the other way ’round
  • Kevin Lasagna plays for Carpi, which would make for some great Garfield jokes – that is, if anyone even remembers that comic strip
  • Does anyone even remember comics sections?
  • Newspapers?
  • It’s difficult to keep your mind on Carpi
  • Marco Materazzi made 18 appearances on loan at Carpi
  • Marco Materazzi is 41 and is still playing professional soccer
  • In India
  • Lazio president Claudio Lotito believes teams like Carpi will damage Serie A, because no one knows who they are and so he won’t be able to make money selling television rights anymore
  • Carpi’s coach’s name can be translated as “Fabrizo Beavers”
  • Aren’t other cultures fun?
  • Carpi has the second-best attack and the best defense in Serie B
  • But we’re not going to pretend we have a clue which players have scored the best goals or which have contributed most to a strong back line
  • Because we’re not too big on pulling stuff out our asses

All in all, Carpi seems like a team worth watching next season, if only because it might upset some of Italy’s more conservatively-minded soccer dons. But beware of anyone waxing poetic about playing style or exalting the side’s strengths – at least, anyone who isn’t describing beavers or reminiscing about Garfield.

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