The extra secret special plans for one of Qatar’s World Cup stadiums

Gather the youngins! It’s time for a good, old fashioned stadium renderin’!

Organizers of the 2022 World Cup in Qatar have debuted plans for the upcoming Al Rayyan Stadium. Set to be the site of the quarterfinals, the new facility will lovingly cradle its lucky 40,000 entrants in its cool, air-conditioned bosom. The stadium is expected to be completed in 2019, and will serve as the home grounds for Al Rayyan, one of Qatar’s most popular clubs. In a display of Qatari warmth and philanthropy, the stadium will be minimized to a 21,000 seat capacity after the World Cup, with the removable upper deck sent off to serve as seating for teams in the developing world.

Isn’t it magical? It looks like it’s going to be built in one of the dustier countries from Game of Thrones. Awakened by the spirit of hospitality and Sepp Blatter’s genial nature, the Arabian desert springs to life and gives birth to this shining new edifice.

Complete with a mosque, running track, field hockey pitch, aquatics center, tennis courts, cricket grounds and a medical facility nearby, Al Rayyan Stadium will be a true modern marvel. The outer façade of the stadium will be a breathtaking artistic expression, utilizing a seven-pattern display that will “blend together to tell the story of a nation”. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?

As marvelous as Al Rayyan already sounds, we have obtained the details of a few as-yet-unannounced features of the stadium:

  • Oil Fountain: As a tribute to national pride and commerce, Al Rayyan will be lit exclusively by burning drums of crude oil, pumped directly from surrounding neighborhoods. The resulting heat will be channeled back into the stadium to heat games on chilly nights when desert temperatures dip below 70 degrees Fahrenheit.
  • Donor Suites: Each luxury box will be named after a FIFA official who contributed “funds” to help push Qatar’s World Cup bid to success. It will be the first public acknowledgement of the benefactors, who – out of modesty – have kept their efforts a secret.
  • The Bone Yard: Al Rayyan’s central lobby will house a green garden (sustained by water piped in from Bangladeshi wells) with a memorial wall showcasing the bones of the fallen migrant workers who lost their lives during construction. Next to each worker’s name will be a page from the passports they surrendered to their employers.