Harry Edward Kane, first of his name, bringer of light, ruler of the high seas and father of dragons, reached another milestone in this, his glorious breakout campaign for Tottenham. In a 3-1 win over Newcastle, the young lord — assuming land and titles are given out in the U.K. based on scoring totals — netted his 30th goal of the season.
Note: Don’t overlook the brilliance of the comment “Harry Kane’s teeth are bullshit” from philosopher @evan_byles_34
Lord Kane had so much space to claim his momentous goal that it almost looks as though Newcastle, as loyal citizens of the British empire, was part of some pre-planned ceremony to give him an open runway to score. That, or Newcastle is a terrible soccer team and was beaten soundly, the same way it has been for the last two months. Let’s not split hairs.
Now Harry Kane is the first Spurs striker to score 30 times in a season since Gary Lineker in 1992 – a marvelous feat for anyone, but there is someone who remains unimpressed with the 21-year-old’s accomplishments. Unfortunately, that person is his coach, Mauricio Pochettino.
“Kane has more potential! It is his first full season in the first team. We need to push him and try to improve his level. He has potential to improve.”
Seems like a rude thing to say to a barely-legal forward who just delivered the club’s most prolific scoring season in over two decades. Pochettino probably tells his family members they could have done better when they bring him birthday gifts. Sure, he had more positive things to say abut the benchmark, but I’ve opted to omit them from this post for the sake of building a false narrative.
Today, Harry Kane is a Tottenham legend and the most popular man in London, assuming none of the Beckham children are in town. Cheers to him.