Poor Angel Di María. The Manchester United thing just isn’t working for him. Sadly, he opted not to heed the chorus of “England is where beautiful soccer goes to die” coming from Spain when he signed his contract this summer.
In today’s Manchester Derby, Di María’s contribution was limited to that of an 81st minute substitute. That’s seven whole minutes fewer than what Frank Lampard got for Manchester City. Quite rude on Louis van Gaal’s part, really. By that time, United was up already up 4-1 (they’d win 4-2) and Di María could be nothing more than an also-ran.
Di María (27) still has some prime years left, but they would come at a steep price for anyone merciful enough to come and rescue him from the drab clutches of the Premier League. If Manchester United can’t even be bothered to give him the dignity of a few “shop window” appearances late in the season, Di María will have to take his escape into his own hands … with a series of YouTube stunts.
This is as good of a “come and get me” plea as you will ever see. Di María doing a random trick with no practical value, re-living happier times in La Liga where trying something like that in a real game would lead to songs being written about you. In England, it could get him stoned in a public square.
Look at the sadness in his eyes as he begs with outstretched arms for clubs across Europe to rescue him from his Mancunian nightmare.
Di María’s rabona wasn’t the only fancily named trick he uploaded to his digital resume this week. A few days ago, he took on a crossbar challenge with
great editing stunning accuracy.
Once again, after nailing the trick, he unleashed his “Seriously, I’m pretty great. I deserve better than to be rotting on United’s bench. Please save me. We can work out some kind of installment plan for the transfer fee” look.
To prove that he is more than just an astonishing on-field talent, Di María, along with goalkeeper David De Gea — who himself has one eye on Spain — went to a local school and beat some children in ping-pong, proving that he would be a great locker room addition to any aspirational club.
Hopefully, these clips inspire some European giant to do the right thing and #FreeAngelDiMaria from his English torment.