A Celtic striker was eating tea cakes on the bench against St. Mirren

“Man’s gotta eat” is a basic and universal rule. “Man’s gotta get a job” is another. Because life is cruel and time doesn’t conform to our best interests, sometimes these rules conflict.

Therein lies the dilemma for one Leigh Griffiths. The Celtic striker was caught on camera eating something called a Tunnock’s Tea Cake on the bench while his team took on St. Mirren. No one consulted Griffiths about his meal schedule before the time of this game was announced. Poor club communication.

Because the British never use the words they mean when it comes to snacks (“biscuit” = “cookie”) there’s no telling what a “tea cake” actually is. As Griffiths is a professional athlete, we can assume that it is some sort of high-protein, low-calorie, gluten-free nutritional supplement. Then again, this is Scottish soccer, so it make have been a wad of sugar-frosted nicotine that was somehow 40 percent alcohol by volume.