Rank `em: The various unjustifiable beliefs of Manchester United’s Louis van Gaal

Manchester United go into this weekend’s Premier League action as Arsenal in fourth place. The team sits eight points behind league-leading Chelsea with just eight games left on its schedule (Chelsea has nine), but those math facts haven’t deterred manager Louis van Gaal’s belief that his team is still very much in the title hunt.

“We can still win the title. Mathematically we can still do it.

“You never know we shall be fighting for prizes. When we had 16 points out of out 11 games, there was a lot of criticism I said we will be fighting to the end of the season.

“It’s still a rat race. Tottenham and Liverpool are still in it, but we have given them a blow. But we have to play against the first three still, so a lot can happen.”

This is obviously insane, and fans in Greater Manchester should just be happy to have a real shot at returning to the Champions League next season, but it might not be the craziest thing van Gaal believes to be true. When asked about Marouane Fellaini’s place in the squad Louis the First had this to say:

“When he plays like he is playing now, I cannot change him.

“He was open and he wants to perform, so I am not surprised [about his form]. He had an unlucky season last year because he was injured a lot of times and ill a lot of times. But when he was fit he has always played for me, more or less. I was looking for a balance in the team and he can give that balance.”

That’s right. Moaouane Fellaini, the afroed poster child of good-enoughedness, is untouchable. Sure, the midfielder is on a nice run in the past few weeks, but there’s no real reason for van Gaal to say crazy things in front of the press. Depending on your perspective (or rooting interests), van Gaal is either a master motivator or a madman. It’s probably both.

And yet, the illusions of the Red Devils’ title hopes and Fellaini’s general usefulness aren’t the only unorthodox beliefs held by van Gaal. So in the name of science, it’s time for you to rank stuff. Using our state-of-the-art vote retention capabilities, below, we need you to rank his deepest convictions in order of accuracy. It may be difficult, as the van Genius’ mind operates on a plane that most of us can’t comprehend, but do your best.


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