Falcao set to join Real Madrid because he follows the team on Twitter

There’s no surer gateway to the inner mind of a soccer star than his Twitter account. Sure, most of the tweets will be deliberately bland and boring; but to really know what makes them tick, what they’re thinking, what they like, you just need to examine who they’re following.

So it’s pretty much definitive that Radamel Falcao is joining Real Madrid in the summer, because he followed Real’s official Twitter account. Why the hell would he do that, if he wasn’t going to sign for them? After all, what possible interest could a Spanish-speaking footballer have in an account run by one of the world’s biggest and most famous clubs? Only 15.3 million people follow @realmadrid, so Falcao joining this select band is no doubt of major significance.

This comes only a couple of months after Lionel Messi effectively secured a summer move to Stamford Bridge by following Chelsea on Instagram.

Yet, not so fast, social media rumor mill. @FALCAO is now following @CBSEveningNews. A naive few might say this means he simply wants to keep up with current affairs via America’s longest-running nightly newcast. In reality, though, the Colombian is paving the way for a move to MLS. So which is it, Falcao? Real Madrid or Real Salt Lake?

Other conclusions we can draw from analyzing accounts followed by players on Twitter:

@GarethBale11 is set for a return to Tottenham Hotspur this summer, or possibly will switch sports and join the NBA. He also follows Man vs Food star Adam Richman, so Bale’s recent slump can probably be attributed to a weight gain caused by binge-eating pizzas and wings.

@JackWilshere is following West Ham United, a clear indication that the injury-hit Arsenal starlet will shortly seek to resurrect his career at the Boleyn Ground.

@setoo9 was kicked out of Chelsea because he follows a Roman Abramovich parody account

@PetrCech’s fall from grace at Stamford Bridge can be explained by the large number of NHL players he follows, a hockey obsession which saw him benched by José Mourinho after he insisted on bringing a stick to training and demanding teammates call him “the goaltender”.

To clear up the original mystery: the Mirror says that Falcao quickly unfollowed Real. So maybe he’s teasing us. Or simply made a typing error, because he’d intended to follow @Real_Housewives instead. Kenya Moore’s found love!