Creepin’ on the `Gram: Seattle midfielder Brad Evans’ dog Coto

Conversations about Major League Soccer salaries pre-date the first MLS game back in April 1996. Twenty years later, we’re still discussing how MLS salaries compare to salaries in other leagues. We’re still asking about locker room dynamics between Kakás and struggling entry-level labor. We’re still discussing the gap between the richest of the rich and the poorest of the poor.

For some players, MLS life has been a struggle. That’s particularly hard to stomach when you realize that it isn’t only some MLS players who are living large off of the league. Others have been living gratuitously right in front of our faces, while we all remain silent. But no more. It stops now.

What’s this dirty secret so many are afraid to address? While many MLS players have been struggling to survive, dogs belonging to MLS players are living like goddamn Kardashians. And that’s a travesty of the highest order.

Jah Rastafari

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Seattle Sounders defender Brad Evans is the poster child for MLS dogs gone wild. That liberal artsy picture above is from 2012. His dog looks like it went to a $50,000 a year university and majored in Canine Studies, with a minor in Feline Literature.

The Roo

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As far back as 2011, Evans has been flaunting his dog Coto’s opulent yacht life, seemingly without a thought for those who have to spend their down time teaching kids — whose parents just want them out of the house — how to play soccer.


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When one spends a life wrapped in this kind of privilege, booze happens. One night passed out on the couch turns to two, and then most nights. Evans enables this type of behavior, and the MLS Disciplinary Committee has done nothing to stop it.

Apparently we share drinks now…

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That’s how things go from bad to worse.

Moms going away for a few days…. Just gettin' comfy.

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But you can’t expect a different outcome when you regularly leave the vodka out and then post pictures on Instagram showing your teammates how much vodka your dog drinks.

Stayin' warm. #coto #golden

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As Coto warms himself by the fireplace, young MLS youths sit by trash can fires in frozen alleyways, scrolling through Evans’ pictures of Coto passed out after an evening of entertaining and bourbon.

I am the king #Coto

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Coto is 5 today 🎉🎉🎉🎁🎁🎁

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Some MLS players don’t even have beds, but Coto Kardashian sleeps in bedding made out of mockery and lavender.

One latte w/ biscuit flavoring please. #coto

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There’s nothing wrong with making good money, but when your dog is living better than a significant number of MLS players, there’s a problem. And Evans is exacerbating that problem by making us all follow him on Instagram for updates to see what kind of rich stuff King Coto is getting into.

We can do better. Hopefully this will be covered in the next collective bargaining agreement negotiations.