Like it or not, American soccer, we are a family – a family that was created by a bizarre polygamy of patriotism, tribalism and sports, but a family nonetheless. We didn’t choose each other, but that doesn’t make our bonds are any less real. We may not always get along — there are plenty of you I wouldn’t rescue from a sinking ship — but in hard times, we’re here for one another.
Sometimes your relatives aren’t doing so well and they need the family to extend a loving hand. Sure, it can be a burden to watch your little bro Jozy go what felt like a decade without scoring a goal. It’s OK. Now he’s home-ish, making ludicrous money with your nephew Michael Bradley in Toronto. With family beside you, no foe shall prosper.
Over the last few years, one of our cousins has gone through a real rough patch. Freddy Adu’s career hasn’t exactly panned out the way we thought it would. “11 years, 11 clubs, 8 countries”, as the Telegraph put it, but today isn’t about that. Today is about celebration, because after not making an appearance since 2013, cousin Freddy got a job!
Translation: “Is that Young Pelé in the building?! Kuopion Palloseura, we made it! Next stop: Champions League!”
That’s right, American soccer. Freddy is finally getting up off our couches (again) and getting back to work (again). New employment hasn’t felt this important to the greater good since Calvin got that job at McDonald’s. No more of him eating up all the good cereal or complaining about what we watch on TV, knowing damn well he isn’t paying any bills around the house. Freddy is back on his feet, out of the house and working!
If we’re honest, the McDonald’s job is probably a better analogy for Freddy’s new gig than we’d like. Kuopion Palloseura — commonly referred to as KuPS — play in the Veikkausliiga (the Finland’s Premier League), is historically a consistent first-division club, but hasn’t won a league title since 1976, the year cousin Freddy was (allegedly) born. Its last foray into European competition ended with a 6-0 beating at the hands of the mighty Bursaspor in a 2012-13 Europa League qualifier.
It may not be the “good ass job” we wanted for Freddy, but a check is a check. Besides, it’s not like the rest of the family is tearing up Europe right now, either. And the last time we talked about Freddy Adu, it was in December, after he was dropped by the FK Jagodina, the Serbian club that let him go after six months and no first-team appearances. It seemed like the most obvious hook-up in soccer, Freddy and the New York Cosmos, was creeping towards feasibility. It didn’t happen, but Finland Freddy is so much better. We all win here.
Damn right they are. As the loving, supportive family we are, it’s our duty to make sure the KuPS team shop is on permanent back-order status.
This is a story of triumph! This is how you come back when the rest of your family is too corny to understand the difference between hosting a party and being a club promoter. Shine on, young Fredua! You’re doing the family proud.
I’m so happy for Freddy that I’m going to get through this entire post without mentioning Jojo. Let’s go out on a high note. Freddy Adu is back! Again!