Alexis Sánchez wins at Instagram, will probably win new lovers as well

There are two things I will always have a deep appreciation for: social media and personal agendas. Combine the two in an artfully self-serving way that exploits your place in the public eye and boosts your social life, and I will be a fan.

Arsenal’s Alexis Sánchez has figured out the public persona game. He’s decided to use the internet to become a high-level thirst-trapper, and damn if he isn’t committed to his work. A relatively new student of the “Hey, girl…” martial arts, Sánchez has already advanced from white belt techniques like gratuitous shirtlessness, and quickly advanced to intermediate moves like the always effective in-bed-with-my-dog. In the past few days, he’s taken his performance to unprecedented levels for a professional athlete, and it’s an honor to behold.

Buenas noches 💤💤🙇.. Good night 💤

A video posted by Alexis Sanchez (@alexis_officia1) on

Sunday, Sánchez posted one of the best Instagram videos in the history of sports. Siting in an all white room of his home (presumably; it might have been your girl’s house), in front of a fire place, he – and whoever was filming this – let us in on a deep, introspective moment. Staring at a projection of the video of John Legend’s “All of Me” – the song you danced to at your wedding, the one that made your parents reconsider their pending divorce – Sánchez was lost in thought, replaying the mistakes he made (allegedly having his friends film sex from a closet) that cost him the love of his life.

He was sending a clear message: He’s broken, and needs you to come fix him. At least, that’s what he’s selling here. “Fix” probably means come by his house for a wine and cheese plate, some inter-personal adult activity and a hand-written thank you note delivered by his butler in the morning as he gets you an Uber, because the master of the house has already left for practice.

This is an incredible piece. From the thoughtful chin rub at the beginning, to the casually placed acoustic guitar resting by the piano, everything about this clip proves that Alexis Sánchez is operating on an Instagram plane that exceeds anything his peers are capable of right now.

La segunda parte del video ..☺️..All of me☺️…. The Second Part of the video All of me.

A video posted by Alexis Sanchez (@alexis_officia1) on

But that wasn’t the end. Three days later, Arsenal’s everything released part two of what we can only hope is a trilogy. Consumed by regret and loneliness, Sánchez took the piano to play along with Legend, in a heartfelt expression of deep longing and sadness.

It was off-key and definitely not the best compliment to John Legend’s original arrangement, but hey, Alexis Sánchez never said he was perfect. He’s trying to be better. He’s learned from his mistakes and wants to be a better man. Maybe even for you specifically. You should reach out to him in the comments and let him know that you’ll be there for him in this dark time of need. Send him some questionable DM photos so he knows it’s real.

It’s rare that we get to see an athlete perform this well on a big stage. At 26, Sánchez is entering his prime years. Young enough to be on social media so often that it’s a hinderance to his everyday life, but approaching the age where he’s experienced enough to know how to best maximize its potential. As fans, we have to acknowledge performances like this. Bravo, Alexis.