No one told Salomon Kalou that the Berlin Wall’s already been torn down

All in all it was not just another brick in the wall. So ex-Chelsea striker Salomon Kalou could be heavily fined for a TV stunt gone wrong.

The Ivory Coast forward, now with Hertha Berlin, is good at breaking down defenses. And defenses are like walls, see? And so what better way to preview Hertha’s game against Schalke than by handing the 29-year-old a hammer and chisel and getting him to break down a wall? I certainly can’t think of a better way.

So far, so harmless simile. But when in Berlin and thinking “wall”, there’s only one place you’re gonna go: the Berlin Wall. Which is a protected landmark, due to, like, history and stuff.

This whole plan would have been fine had the player just mimicked hitting the wall – but as anyone who saw him play for Chelsea knows, precise close control isn’t part of Kalou’s repertoire.

The Berliner Kurier reports that Kalou may have broken the law by chipping off a bit of the edifice, risking a fine in excess of $10,000 – simply for carrying out the instructions of Ronald Reagan in 1987.

“He’s actually knocked a piece out of the Berlin Wall. The beautiful old Berlin Wall,” the presenter, Gerhard Delling, was quoted as saying later.

And the paper duly found a wall preservationist to give Kalou a metaphorical hammering: “Here we have a well-paid celebrity increasing his market value at the expense of a national monument. Without respect. And with the clear backing of television,” said Kani Alavi.