Who’s responsible for this Instagram post, a title-contending Premier League club, or a passive aggressive teen who’s been listening to too much of the 6 God? If there’s some intern in the Chelsea media department getting all in their Canadian rap feelings and posting things like this on social media, it’s time to change a few passwords. It might be better to John Terry’s kids handle the accounts. No way would they go public with something this soft.
For context — not that it makes this cornballery any better — the Instagram photos were Chelsea’s response to Jamie Carragher and Graeme Souness, former players turned professional sound makers for Sky Sports. After the Londoners were kicked square in the ass and sent out of the Champions League by Paris Saint-Germain, Carragher and Souness shared their criticism of Chelsea players for encasing referee Bjorn Kuipers in a blue bubble of weeping, begging him to issue a red card to Zlatan Ibrahimović for a foul against Oscar the Flimsy. Souness:
“PSG had to put up with a lot of stuff that’s unappealing. From the first minute, players were trying to get opponents sent off. It makes me sad that big games are being decided by gamesmanship like that. Chelsea, with all their shenanigans before the match that PSG were over-physical? You’re having a laugh.
“The red card for Ibrahimovic summed it up. The way Chelsea players raced to put pressure on the ref. To a man, they surrounded the referee. Costa ran 50 yards to get involved.”
This is why we have anti-bullying campaigns – so heroes like Zlatan aren’t unjustly removed from games for accidentally knocking over piles of straw shoved into a Chelsea uniform. After the game, Ibrahimović would describe the situation as feeling like he was surrounded by 11 babies. Carragher took it a step farther:
The reaction from the Chelsea players is disgraceful. It comes from Mourinho’s teams – they have this reaction, it’s not a one-off.”
To make Chelsea’s social media reply ever cheesier, the nameless, five-word social media response wasn’t even something original from its communications department. It was a sample from a José Mourinho press conference, in which he responded to Carragher and Souness:
“You know … the world is a bit strange. Maybe because of diet and maybe the quality of the products we are eating, memories are getting shorter. Because, you know, when Jamie Carragher and Graeme Souness speak about it, it’s because they are having a problem for sure.”
Maybe Chelsea needs to have a seat for a while. 2015 hasn’t been kind to it off the field. It’s probably best if it chills on the public statements, goes about its soccer, grabs the championship trophy Manchester City handed it today, and stay quiet for the rest of the season. Self-expression doesn’t seem to be its strong suit at the moment.