Tickets to hear Sam Allardyce and Malky Mackay speak are on Groupon

Groupon is a sort of popular website that provides healthy discounts to consumers if enough people commit to deals on goods or services. By simply checking in regularly or signing up for Groupon notifications, committed consumers can find themselves with all sorts of wonderful discounts. For instance, in London, Groupon aficionados can currently find deals for a three-course meal in Notting Hill (£27.50), a one-hour hot stone massage (£22), Grosvenor Casino (£15), a City of Conspiracy tour (£6), a private health check (£79) and, obviously, an audience with West Ham manager Big Sam Allardyce and Wigan manager Malky Mackay.

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Yes. You read that correctly. For an arguably low, low price of £139, you can treat yourself to an afternoon of insight, brought to you by Gala Events’ “Lunch With a Legend” series. That unbeatable deal secures entry for one person, as well as a three-course meal with complimentary beer, wine and soft drinks.

That’s an AMAZING deal. No, you didn’t misread that. For a low, low price of £139 you get complimentary drinks AND get to listen to two of England’s legendary managers. We’re lucky to live in these amazing times.

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Here’s the sample itinerary for the event:

Midday: Arrival
12.20 p.m.: Sit down and introduction from Adam Leventhal
12.35 p.m.: Three-course meal
2 p.m.: Auction
2.15 p.m.: Sam Allardyce and Malky Mackay in conversation with Adam Leventhal
3.15 p.m.: Raffle
3.25 p.m.: End of formal proceedings
3.45 p.m.: Last orders at the bar
4.30 p.m.: Venue closes

I’m assuming the tactical breakdown occurs between the end of formal proceedings and the last orders at the bar.

It’s unclear whether the price includes Mackay sending you inappropriate text messages between 3:45 p.m. and 4:30 p.m. If that’s included, this deal moves from “probably in” to “no brainer.”

I would absolutely pay for the privilege of an insulting Mackay text. Getting to interrupt the raffle and the conversation with Adam Leventhal by launching tactical questions at Allardyce and Mackay would just be a bonus.